Sakura and the Wheel of Fortune
by Girl in My Mirror Is Crying
Summary: Sakura has been longing to get on the game show, and she finally manages to. Maybe. Or Maybe not.
1. Chapter 1

Sakura was watching the Wheel of Fortune in her apartment in the suburbs of Dallas and sighed as she watched the new host of the show: Eminem. She was in awe as she saw the sexy former rapper appear on the stage and had his delicious ghetto voice, kinda like voice of a nigga in one of those sexy adult radio commercials that played only on selected stations in Biloxi, Mississippi.

She was sitting on her couch that cost $8000 and was bored out of her mind and wished that she could be on that game show, but she had a better chance of getting on it than Tyra Banks being the spokesperson for a Dollar General in Alaska. She decided that the best thing to do was get in her 2011 Lincoln Town Car and drive to somewhere and get some candy M&M's and think of the rapper instead since it was obvious that her chances of getting on the show were better than none if she at least tried.

Sakura got inside of her lovely 2011 Lincoln Town Car Signature L and decided to drive around for a little bit and see if there was anything in her luxurious neighborhood to take her mind off of the pain of not being able to go on the Wheel of Fortune. She finally went to Wal-Mart and she saw Ino who was working as a greeter.

"Hi, nigga," said Ino as she looked at her friend who was sulking. "What's wrong?"

"Dush, I was watching the Wheel of Fortune and I was like, I wanna be on there," admitted Sakura as she looked at Ino's terribly dirty shoes. Man, did this nigga need to stop getting her shoes from Payless with a coupon she clipped out of a Better Homes and Garden. Sakura looked at her friend and Ino said,

"I can help you send an audition video, if you'd like. But it will have to wait until I finish greeting all these niggas."

"Okay," said Sakura as she nodded at the other. "I guess I will get the camera." The 19 year old girl then went to the candy aisle and got some chocolate M&M's and stole them, leaving the store without anyone noticing them. Just kidding, silly billies; that's something that Kabuto would do. After she paid for the candy, she went home and cried as she watched a Wheel of Fortune she had on her DVR since 2009. She was watching how Eminem had gracefully aged like a peacock and wanted to see him pee with his cock. Sakura hugged her pillow that was on the couch and got a blanket and cried as she watched this sexy man on her 80" TV that her dad got from Costco.

Sakura cried and screamed, "I WANT BEER, NIGGA!" She threw her purse at the TV, but because she was a girl, she missed and knocked over her mom's favorite octopus sculpture. She decided to get on her $1800 laptop and decide to figure out how to get on the Wheel of Fortune. She wanted to meet Eminem so badly that she started crying on her couch, laughing at the same time because it was so luxurious and soft. It felt like someone took out the back seat of a Rolls Royce Phantom and then used super magic powers to make it even more comfortable.

Ino came over in about an hour and had her camera that she had gotten at the nearby gas station.

"Hey, girlfriend," she said as she looked at Sakura and smiled. She punched Sakura in the face and then Sakura kicked Ino in the stomach. It was part of what they did and they both loved it, kinda like Pamela Anderson and that other girl in Scary Movie 3 when they were acting like two little sluts and were hitting each other with random items in their bedroom that totally was furnished with stuff you get at Toys R Us.

"Hey, ho," said Sakura as he looked into the camera. She decided that it was time to do something cool and did a back flip.

"Hey, Eminem, you should accept me because, A: I love you, B: I live in Dallas and I'm a Japanese girl by name, but a full-blown Southerner by heart! And C:..." Sakura lifted up her shirt and flashed her titties to the camera and said, "I got boobs, nigga. And you got a delicious butt crack."

Ino looked at the other and said, "I'm deleting this. There is no way that he would accept this."

Sakura punched Ino and the face and said, "Now ho would you, nigga? We haven't even submitted it yet! At least we increase our chances instead of doing nothing."

"Your chances," corrected Ino. "I'm not auditioning. I would rather be on the Price is Right with Drake as the host."

"Whatever you say," said Sakura as she went into the kitchen and got her some Popeye's chicken that was still in the pantry. Yeah, she left it in the pantry because she felt that it would be ruined by the refrigerator, but remember, Haruno Sakura was a girl who thought that putting cajun seasoning in your underwear made you a spicy mama in bed. She enjoyed the chicken and said, "You know what? I think you should audition for the Price is Right! And whoever wins gets to have the privilege of asking the other to do one favor you would certainly say no to!"

"Mine's not sex," said Ino with a smile on her face that looked like the same expression that a 3-year-old girl had when she climbed Mt. Everest wearing only a scuba mask and a tuxedo from JcPenny's.

"Nor is mine," said Sakura who looked like she needed to go release her diarrhea. She did. She left and had diarrhea and flushed it down and then submitted the video and said, "There. I wanna see how well you do!"

"We'll just see, won't we!" said Ino as she left and got on her motorcycle and drove off.


	2. Chapter 2

It had been three weeks since Sakura had sent in her video and she was stuck on the computer looking up videos of the Wheel of Fortune when Lil Jon was the host. She was so upset and started to cry on her extremely luxurious white Italian-leather couch but she immediately started laughing as she rubbed the extremely soft couch with her sexy hand. She wished that everyone in the world had a couch this ghetto and missed Eminem! She was so bored that it was flat out unbearable. She decided that maybe she could just get in her Lincoln Town Car and drive to Fort Worth or something.

Sakura cried as she was in her black Town Car with tan leather and decided that it was time to get some answers. She went to Tsunade's Hokage office and slammed opened the door.

"Look, nigga," said Sakura as he pointed her finger at Tsunade. "You probably have a lot of connections. Get me on the Wheel of Fortune!"

Tsunade turned around in her chair that she probably got out a dumpster in Taiwan and said, "Look, bitch, I don't do stuff like that unless you do something for me first. And I what I need are some new bras from Victoria's Secret!" She took out some coupons and said, "Nigga, if you buy me some bras, I'll let you get on the show. I've had a fling with that nigga Eminem once in my life."

"No way!" said Sakura as she squealed and took the coupons. She put them in her underwear and left Tsunade's office and got back in her Lincoln Town Car. She moaned with delight as she sat on the luxurious American leather which was erroneously labored American but was probably made in someplace where they don't even wash their hands after eating.

Sakura managed to go to the nearby mall which had a Victoria's Secret and she went inside to see a few women there. Sakura looked around and said, "Yeah, can a nigga help me so I can get some bras for a woman with big titties?"

"How big?" asked a woman as she approached Sakura.

"I don't know, nigga; bigger than Pam's but smaller than a walrus's," commented Sakura as she waited for the woman to look at her stuff. She got some 52 F's and said,

"Who are these for, girl?"

"A woman I know, and no, I'm not a lesbian, but even if I was, nigga, why is that any of your business?" said Haruno Sakura defensively as she took the bras. She looked at them and said, "I want a leopard-skin one and a tye-dye one. That ho will love them."

They got some bras for Sakura and she gave them the coupon and some of the money that Tsunade gave her. She wanted to spend the money herself, but she knew that old lady would count it meticulously. Sakura soon made her way back to Tsunade's office and threw the bag of bras at Tsunade, causing her to fall out of her chair and hit her head on the desk.

"DA FUQ DID YOU DO THAT FOR?!" she shouted as she got up. Sakura then threw the money and the dollar bills smacked Tsunade in the head, knocking her down again. It was amazing that so little paper could not down a woman, kinda like the time Kate Moss was walking down Time Triangle and a newspaper hit her and knocked her five feet away.

"Look, bitch, I got your bras!" said Sakura as she batted her eyelashes at the old woman. "Will you call him?"

Tsunade looked at the bras and squealed with delight as she looked at them. This playa was so pleased and she said, "Yeah, I'll call him." She went to her desk and picked up the phone and dialed some numbers and it was ringing.

"Hello?" said a deep luxurious voice on the other end.

"Eminem? It's me, Tsunade!" said the woman as she twirled her twin ponytails. "You know, the nigga you hooked up with when you were in Dallas?"

"Can you clarify a bit more, ho?" said the man on the other end of the line. "I had a fling with like, 10 girls from Dallas and I don't remember your voice."

Tsunade sighed and she then pulled down her pants and farted into the phone at about 94 decibels and it lasted for about 10 seconds.

 _ **"OWWW! MY ASSHOLE HURTS!"**_ screamed Tsunade as salty tears fell down her eyes and got her mascara everywhere.

"Tsunade! Big booty Judy with the mud butt!" said Eminem on the other end of the line. "Girl, you be that girl I loved so much. You were the hottest non-young girl I ever banged!"

Tsunade blushed and said, "T-thanks. I was calling because I wanted you to do a favor. A friend of mine is applying on your show and I wanted you to consider her more over the candidates. I'll discuss what I can do to the nigga's dick if you do."

"Oooh. I'd love that, and sure. What's her name?"

"Haruno Sakura. She has pink hair," said Tsunade as she said, "Hold on, pimp." She put the mouthpiece by her ass and farted again, more tears coming out of her eyes.

"That's my girl~" growled Eminem with lust. "Okay, I'll look more into this girl's video. Nice of you to call me!"

"You, too! Bye!" Tsunade put the phone down and got an alcohol wipe and cleaned the mouthpiece. "I think we're even. You can go now."

Sakura got into her Lincoln Town Car and went home. She went by a group of nine white people and said, "KISS MY ASS, NIGGAS! I'M GONNA GO ON THE WHEEL OF FORTUNE!"


	3. Chapter 3

Two more weeks have gone by. Sakura got some music playing, specifically Seoul Music by YMO and started dancing with the music that was from 1981 but sounded like it was from 1990, a year that was as promising as showing your anus to a light bulb and thinking that it will play a song for you because you were not listening to what your sister told you with her heavy Norwegian accent. Sakura was at the computer and was looking at pictures of brand-new Volvos that she wanted to purchase with some of the money that she wanted to buy if she won any prize money on the Wheel of Fortune, but she was probably acting a bit hasty since it hasn't been decided yet.

Ino knocked on the door, her boob smashing against the door each time she did it. Sakura told her to come in and she did so.

"Hi, cookie," said Ino as she sat down on the couch that felt like 2389 kittens were rubbing against your thigh. "So, did you land on the Wheel of Fortune?"

Sakura sighed and then she farted. "No, nigga, I haven't gotten on the show. What about you?"

Ino chuckled. "I talked with that ancient nigga Jiraiya. He knew Drake because he saved his life by jumping in front of a bullet that hit Jiraiya's middle finger and Drake owes him a favor. Of course, I had to perform a favor by Jiraiaya."

"Oh, Gosh," said Sakura, kinda like that time that Dorothy was wondering where Sophia was and Sophia said that she got lucky. "Please don't tell me he made you...have...sex..."

"No, but it wasn't exactly clean either, nigga," said Ino. "I had to wear a bikini and scrub his Mazda 6 sedan which was so nasty. It was a bit humiliating, sure, but I got on the show!" She showed her the certificate that showed that Yamanaka Carol Ino was going to be on the show soon!

"Holy shit, Nigga, I'm so fucking jealous of your ass!" said Sakura as she hit Ino with the pillow on the couch. Ino giggled and smashed a vase on Sakura's head, causing Sakura to laugh and throw the TV remote at Ino.

"But Tsunade knows Eminem, nigga, so there is a chance that I will get on," she said. "I had to get Tsunade some bras at Victoria's Secret."

"I bet that was weird," said Ino. "What did she do when she called him?"

"She farted really loudly and screamed that her asshole hurt," admitted Sakura. "It was pretty funny, kinda like the time that Naruto went to the beauty salon and got a perm? He looked so retarded, nigga. I swear, he looked like Rose's great nephew or something."

Sakura heard a knock on the door and she saw that it was a woman with the mail. "Haruno Sakura, right? Here, nigga, I need you to sign this." Sakura did as she was told and signed it and squealed and pushed the lady back and slammed the door. She took out the item inside and sure enough, it was the acceptance letter to Wheel of Fortune.

She opened it and it said, "Dear Pimp, you are gonna be on the Wheel of Fortune! You have to supply your own fucking air fare, but we are supplying you a sexy hotel at the address below. Make sure that you got clean panties because you are gonna shit yourself when you see the kinds of prizes we have! You have to pay your taxes and make sure that you are who you are, because you ain't gonna get jack shit, nigga!"

Signed, Eminem.

"Holy shit!" said Sakura. "I hope one of the prizes is a textbook for Russian Literature!" She screamed in delight and she said, "Yamanaka Shirley Ino, I guess we both gotta do a favor."

Ino scoffed and said, "Get real, Pepto Bismol hair. I'm not gonna do anything now." She grabbed her motorcycle helmet and left the apartment. Sakura decided to go to Sai's house, who was Ino's brother and said to him,

"Nigga, did you know that your sister is gonna be on the Price is Right? And why are you painting shit again? Whose shit is it?"

"Sakura, this is shit from my boyfriend, Asahi," he said, as a man with dark pink hair approached and he waved at Sakura. "

You must be Sakura. Sai's told me how he thinks your hair looks like anti-diarrhea medicine."

"Nigga, you don't have room to talk!" said Sakura who was slightly offended. "Look at your hair!"

"At least mine is darker than yours, nigga!" said Asahi as he threw the bowl of turds at Sakura. One of them smacked her on the lips and she started crying and left the house with a Hershey stain on her mouth. She was definitely not going to share any of the prize money with Sai or Ino now.


	4. Chapter 4

Haruno Giselle Sakura was so excited and felt like she could do anything now that she was going to be on the Wheel of Fortune! It had been three weeks since she got the news and she had a list of instructions of how to get to the place in Los Angeles where it would be filmed. Actually, it was in a place called Culver City, a city whose name had more sex appeal than a pile of Doritos that spoiled in 1993. Haruno Sakura went up to Uchiha Sasuke's place and she jumped into his arms and kissed his strawberry lip gloss-covered lips.

"Damn, nigga, you sure are happy!" said Sasuke as he returned the kiss to her, with more strength in his mouth than a punch in the face that was given to you by some heavy-weight boxer who you insulted because his photos of him in a speedo were leaked to Food Network's website. "So, did you decide who you are going to invite to the show?"

"You, and Mom and dad," said Sakura as she nodded, her ponytail getting loose and it smacked Sasuke in the face like a walrus that just ran out of shampoo because someone from Thailand didn't get a coupon for Toys R Us.

"Don't you think that you should invite Tsunade?" asked Sasuke as he scratched his ass in front of her.

"Nigga, don't you think that Tsunade has better things to do, like buy some kitten heels?" asked Sakura. "I mean, she's 52 and has no business wearing 7-inch stilettos. Her dumb ass is gonna get arthritis or some sexy disease."

"Sexy and disease have no business being anywhere near each other," mentioned Sasuke as he punched Sakura in the face. Sakura laughed so hard and she took a painting off of Sasuke's wall that he made in third grade and smashed it on his head, causing him to roll over in laughter, more so than the time that Hinata was leaving the jacuzzi in a g-string and nipple pasties which were actually sand dollars that she found in the nearby beach.

"Yeah, you're right, I'm sorry," said Sakura as she cleared her throat. "I shouldn't have said that. But You know that Tsunade is very busy, you know. She's the first female Hokage of Dallas, Texas!"

"Awesome!" said Sasuke as he gave her a high five. "Anyways, I want to make a song dedicated to you, so come to the music room."

Haruno Sakura followed Uchiha Sasuke into the bathroom and he took out a Roland SH-1000 and he plugged it in and began to play something extremely funky and then something very sci-fi like. Sakura began to do the shimmy and her titties sounded like diarrhea escaping the anus of a turkey that was about to fly to Hungary. The music that Sasuke was playing sounded very similar to the Sci-fi music that you heard in that episode of Spongebob where Squidward was frozen in the freezer and was teleported to the future with all the chrome.

"EWW!" screamed Sasuke when he heard Sakura's nasty titties shaking. He put it back under the sink and then sat on the toilet, removing his thong and strained really loudly as he tried to make his stomach feel better because he had so many turnips for lunch. As soon as Sasuke got off of it, Sakura pulled down her bikini and took a shit on top of what was already floating in it. She laughed and then kissed the toilet tank and then flushed it.

"So, I think we need to practice some techniques about how you should spin the wheel," said Sasuke as he got out a huge wheel he made of toothpicks and marshmallows. "Okay, give it a spin."

"I can't believe that you made this for me!" said Sakura as she clapped her hands and looked at it and giggled as if someone was going to fart.

"Hold onto this and spin it really hard," instructed Sasuke as he patted his ass through his gym shorts, the outline of his thong showing through his pants.

Sakura then grabbed a toothpick and spun it really hard, and then it made clicking noises, but all of the sudden, it broke. It then exploded into 4823 different toothpicks and then they all starting flying through the air. She gasped and covered her face as they starting flying towards her and farted with fright.

"I have no jewelry!" said Sakura. "Jewelry, Jewish. I wonder if there's a connection."

"I think there's a connection between your brain and a toilet paper roll!" said Sasuke as he kissed her.

Three more weeks passed and it was a few days before Sakura would go to Hollywood to be on the show. She was so happy.


	5. Chapter 5

Sakura was on the computer and she was on several different websites to compare airfare to Los Angeles. She figured that she could drive and take a long road trip, but she didn't want people looking at her Town Car and think it was someone important like the CEO of Post, the company that made breakfast cereal and items. She farted as she looked at all the options and she was so excited that you could've sworn that she had been elected the prom queen even though she was a runner up because the main winner had gotten disqualifying for giving the person who read the papers six grams of cocaine that was not even available in North Dakota due to some specific protest regarding the rights of people who had Mrs. Robinson as their elementary school teacher due to biased rulings from the principal since he heard if he didn't, they would reduce the funds for their annual Christmas party in the cafeteria that had a janitor who could imitate an accent from Philadelphia.

Haruno Catherine Sakura found a good price and she exclaimed loudly and called her parents who lived in Fort Worth.

"Mom, Dad, I found tickets!" she screeched really loudly as if her ears were getting pierced, but the person who was doing it was using a katana instead of a standard needle.

"I'm so proud of you, Sakura!" said her mother as she took the Windex and sprayed herself, kinda like the time Blanche sprayed herself when she thought of all the manliness of the two police officers who were going to stay in her house.

"Me, too, honey bunches of oats!" said Sakura's father as he took a can of Spaghetti-O's and threw it out the window and it broke the satellite dish of a nearby house.

"So, are you guys going to go?" she asked as she waited for them to answer.

"I'm afraid that we can't," said Sakura's father with dismay in his voice, more so than the time than Chouji when he found out that they stopped putting sweet n low on the dining room table in Wendy's because people used to use it as a reason to get free food.

Sakura frowned and she could've sworn that she was going to cry. This would've been a bigger disappointment than when Ino forgot to light one of Sakura's candles on her 14th birthday and she told Ino to light them again from the start. But they were already burnt out a bit, so she told Ino to go to the store and she got more candles.

Sakura heard a knock on the door and there was Sasuke, wearing a skirt and a halter top.

"Hey, I found two tickets for us!" said Sakura as she kissed her boyfriend, but then she pushed him out of the way and said, "why are you wearing that?"

"I lost a dare with Naruto," said Sasuke. "He told me to see you wearing this if I couldn't lick my elbow, so I lost."

"Nigga, no one can lick their elbow. At least nobody I know can," trailed off Sakura. "Okay, the flight leaves at 8 a.m. and I need to look for a hotel."

"You got tickets but no hotel?" commented Sasuke. "That's a bit annoying on your part."

"I know," said Sakura as she got on the computer and she found the nearest Motel 6 to the Wheel of Fortune place. "I'm not going to spend a lot of money for accommodations, so we will have to adapt."

"Okay," said Sasuke as he turned Sakura around. The two of them bent and touched their toes and farted against each other's assholes. Sakura giggled at this and she began to pack some thongs and a few bras and a cute shirt and shorts. She was going to look flawless on the television. She couldn't believe it! She'd actually get to see Eminem!

The next day arrived and they were at the Dallas airport.

"Are you excited or what?" said Sakura as she hugged Sasuke. "We're going to Los Angeles! I can't wait to look at the skyscrapers!"

"We have plenty here," said Sasuke. "Besides, it's not like we are going to see a whole lot. We'll be back here in three days, ho."

"Yeah, that is so stupid," said Sakura as she looked at the other. "Well, let's get on the kinky airplane!" They got through all the security stuff and were soon on the airplane, overlooking the city of Dallas.


	6. Chapter 6

Haruno Sakura was super glad to get out of Texas and was going to California, a place that gave her better dreams of ecstasy than Sasuke wearing a thong and feeding her caviar from a spoon that was initially used for baby food. She was expecting there to be more snow in the city of L.A than in St. Paul, Minnesota, because Sakura seriously had no idea what to expect. She hoped that she could pass the time more easily because she didn't want to be awake and look over states like New Mexico and Arizona, both places to her having more excitement than a dial tone and Muzak having a baby together to create the paragon of dull sound that would likely make you swear that your sanity was creeping away more slowly than Yandere-chan after she killed some NPC's who were trying to get in her way with Senpai, a boy who seriously would look good in a speedo and would definitely not show off his hairy legs that you could swear belonged to your dad who vied to become the next middle-aged Tom Daley from Georgia.

Sakura looked at Sasuke and was amazed that he was not embarrassed to have blackheads the size of dimes. One appeared the size of nickel. It seriously wanted to staple her eyes shut to avoid the hideous sight that would seriously repulse even a fruitcup like Jaraiya, and that was considering a lot.

"Hey, Sasuke, when I win something, I'm getting you a complete makeup at Elizabeth Arden's," promised Sakura as she patted his head and her hand became so shiny that if you shone a light on it, it would blind everyone in the entire plane. Sakura wished she was old enough to drink, but now that she was somewhere that could stop her, she couldn't have a friggin' drink!

Sakura closed her eyes. She had this reoccurring dream where she was watching Oprah was on the Price Is Right and she was spinning that wheel where you're supposed to get as close to a dollar without going over it. Oprah span the wheel so hard that it came undone and it rolled out into the audience and this guy was gonna sue the company because it broke his high heel camo shoes. Sakura was in the back of the audience and she was wearing a tutu and opera gloves and a tiara that an emo princess would wear and she fell over laughing and farted so loud that it caused her thong to pop off and stop the rolling wheel and it hit Drew Carey in the asshole. She started laughing in real life so hard that it caused the plane to shake slightly and Sasuke shook her awake with the theme of "Shook Ones Part II" playing.

"Sakura! You're embarrassing yourself," he said softly into her oil of O-Gay ears that were shiny like a pinky ring on a mobster named Don Beckland.

"How long have I been asleep?" said Sakura as she began to blink repeatedly, her caterpillar eyelashes moving like a butterfly exactly the same way in that episode of Spongebob when he was cleaning the pink ice cream with his eyelashes, which was weird because why would they have ice cream underwater?

"For about 9 seconds," said Sasuke. "You were laughing. Was it about that Price is Right dream?"

"Yeah," said Sakura. "We need to talk."

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

"I love you, too, although you are still annoying," said Sasuke as he sneezed on her and then belched on her nose. She laughed at his weird way of affection.

Three hours later, they were in Los Angeles. They were so glad to get off that stupid plane that smelt like onions, a food that was primarily reserved for sycophants and products of people who were born in the great depression.

"LOOK AT ALL THE BUILDINGS!" shouted Sakura as she was so glad. She gazed as the buildings looked so amazing and farted slightly, making a sound a cherub would make when shooting an arrow of love into a girl who was not tall enough to get on a roller coaster, so she instead fell in love with a boy who couldn't even write his own name without looking at his driver's license.

After about 45 minutes, they were out of the airport. Sakura inhaled and gagged. It smelt like a homeless person just took a shit and she looked at her shoe and saw that she indeed stepped in dush. Eww! She took her shoe off and hailed a taxi, and when it arrived, she wiped it on the tailpipe of it. They were now heading to their hotel.

Tomorrow would be the day that they would go to the show!


	7. Chapter 7

Haruno Ms. Robinson's Fourth Grade Gatorade Sakura was in her hotel room which she had gotten to pay for herself because she was not going to stay in the one that the game show provided. She saw what the hotel looked like and it looked like a room that Mr. Snipes went to take his Chinese carry out and eat while his wife believed that he was on a diet. Unfortunately, she saw the kredit kard charges and she ended up divorcing him because she realized that he didn't care about the turnip greens she made for that one time that he had eaten the burnt brownies that one girl at school made because she feared that if she didn't make the brownies, she would have to write an essay on something weird like marriage rights in Somalia. Sakura looked outside and looked at the buildings which defined the skyline of Los Angeles. Now she was in the place where all the gangster hip hop she listened to would make sense.

Sasuke was going to a nearby store to collect groceries for them to have, such as milk for the stuff, so he was going to be back in about 45 minutes.

She took out her phone and dialed a nearby pretzel store. "Hello? Is this Martha Brown's Organic Pretzel Stick Shop?" she asked as soon as she heard someone breathing like they had to take a monumental shit but they needed to take some stool softener first because they had eaten too many bagel bites from the Food Lion on sample day so that the store could limit the excessive food they got because of a misplacement of a comma on the money they were going to spend on shipments.

"Yeah, what do you want, miss?" asked the woman as she picked her nose loudly. It sounded like a squirrel running through a pile of crunchy maple leaves that had fallen to the ground because of the change in seasons.

"Damn, that's kinda rude," Sakura said. "Anyways, I want something that makes me feel sexy when I shit these out later. What do you suggest?"

"I recommend the Nacho Pretzels," said the woman as she coughed into the phone. Sakura belched into the phone as a response and they both started laughing at their antics. "It is a pretzel that inside of the dough contains tomatoes, peppers, cheese, and ground beef."

Sakura's mouth began to water as if she were in Sweden and someone opened the last bottle of water when it was 70 F outside. Not that that was hot by any means since she lived in Dallas, which was practically an inferno in the summer.

"Do you have any dessert pretzels?"

"We got the elastic heart pretzels to commemorate the Hunger Games; they are covered with powdered sugar, strawberry syrup, and melted cream cheese."

"Bitch, send a nigga over here so I can get my food!" demanded Sakura. "Please. Grilled cheese shoes sounding woman."

"Yeah, whatever the fuck you say, bitch who sounds like she uses a thimble to turn the pages of her Us Weekly magazine!"

Sakura laughed so hard at this statement that she felt as if she was going to collect her tax refund in a huge ziploc bag and smack this person across the face for sounding like someone who had never even used Listerine as a form of shampoo. Even though that made as much sense as using a pack of oatmeal with dinosaur eggs in it as a weapon against penguin Nazi's wearing speedos.

Fifteen minutes went by and Sakura heard a knock at her door. Sure enough, it was someone who had her cherished pretzels that she was desiring more so than Ino for a hairbrush that got her more attention from the guy who was always in detention: Deidara. She opened the door and said, "How much?"

"$8.23," said the guy as he held out his hand. Sakura handed him a 10 dollar bill and slammed the door after she took the pretzels. She turned on the TV and saw that Balto was playing and she immediately switched it to Flavor of Love on a channel which aired vintage TV shows. She laughed and took a bite of her pretzel as she watched as the women on their acted like their g-strings were pressing against their ovaries too hard.

SOon, the phone called. It was Sasuke so of course she answered it. As soon as she hit open, there was a loud farting sound that was so loud she could smell it from Dallas.

"That's for you, babe," said Sasuke. "I'm wearing that black thong you got me and I knew that wearing it amplified the sound of my farts."

"Hiii, turtle nuts McGee," giggled Sakura. "I love hearing you fart like on the Sims Bustin' Out when they do 'pull my finger'. So what's up?"

"I was just wandering how things were going. This grocery store is so pimping and I'm checking out. Did you wanna get take out?"

Sakura felt a bit guilty about eating the pretzels at the moment, so she said, "Yeah, go to Papa Johns and get us something like the Deluxe. I'll pay you back when we're done," she promised as she giggled and hung up.

In about twenty five minutes, Sasuke returned and they ate their pizza. Tomorrow was the big day.


	8. Chapter 8

Haruno Failed Birth Control Sakura was excited that today, they were going to finally see the Wheel of Fortune and if she were lucky, she could finally get enough money to buy a bottle of beer so she could smash on top of Chouji's shitty ass 1998 Mazda that was more disgusting than his asshole, which was a sight nobody wanted to see. Even his doctor probably had to throw up afterwards.

"Sakura, make sure you wash your vagina before you dare leave this room," warned Sasuke who never even washed his own penis, so it was pretty funny that he was commenting on her to wash her own genitals.

"Okay," said Sakura as she went into the bathroom and pulled down her panties to let out a socialist fart. She wanted to make her fart sound like something more communist, but she did everything to make sure that her fart didn't have anything similar to capitalism; she aligned with egalitarianism and wanted everyone to be equal where all distribution of wealth in her underwear was shared.

She took a bar of soap and inserted it all into her sandy vagina. She imagined it was a hamburger inside of her and she started to moan as her fat ass began to swish around in her pants. By fat, like 3 cells too large. Jail cells. Nigga.

"Get the soap outta your sandy vagina, Sakura," said Sasuke as he farted into the keyhole of the door. He wanted his fart to transfer into the bathroom so she could gag on it. Sasuke often let loose gas smell like 482 skunks trapped into an eyedropper that putrefied for 8 decades.

"Smell that, bitch," he said as he tied his shoes. Sakura then started coughing and slammed the door open.

"Ew, pimp you farted into the room!" she said as she opened the window. "Let's get the fuck out of here."

They left and went to the studio where they were holding the Wheel of Fortune.

"There is Eminem..." said Sakura. She farted as she watched his fat asscheeks walk by.

Sakura had to fill out some papers and soon someone talked to her.

"SLIM ANUS!" shouted Eminem as he left the room.


End file.
